Day One…

I suppose I started this blog to have somewhere to write down my feelings, thoughts and anything else that comes to me. I’ve not been very successful in keeping them so far – but I promise to try with this one.

So what’s going on with me at the moment? I’m kinda sat here in my office at work, nothing much to do, and a song playing on the radio making me sad. At the moment I feel pretty damn empty, have done for a good week now. Things have been unsettled in my life for a good month or so now, since I got dumped by two guys I really cared for on Boxing Day. The amazing Jason of course was there to pick up the pieces and put me back together, but I fear the sellotape he used is begining to slip.

Since that day myself and the two guys became friends again, and seemed to be heading back to where we were before until last Friday when it all went sour again. I couldn’t take it anymore, things being changed, status moved without even talking to me. My heart is not a toy, now it’s just broken. I’m no longer friends with both of them anymore.

I’ve tried cutting off contact but that’s hurting even more. But this is showing me who my true friends are, and I’m sad to say there aren’t many. I’m working on steps to make my life happier again, drag myself out of depression.

Step 1. Book sessions with a counsellor
             DONE
Step 2. Show my friends I care
             ON GOING
Step 3. Go on LOTS of holidays
             WORK IN PROGRESS

As much as I enjoyed the feeling of being in love with these two guys I think I need to be a lot more careful who I open my heart up to in future, to save myself getting hurt again. 

Time is ticking for me here, I don’t feel at home or happy in London anymore, I just want to get out. There’s not that much keeping me here.

~ by youbrokemytaco on January 25, 2007.